my life and yours

i wish i would change your life. i wish i would be the one that makes a difference.

i am not.

no one but me

sometimes a man gets carried away, sometimes a man must awake to find that really he has no one....when does that happen? am i waiting for that? lover you should have come over! over and over again and again or not?! what am i doing? i haven t had such a strong feeling in a very long time, did i ever...i know it s right, i just know, i see you, i feel you, i kiss you, i let you go. every time i let you go, it doesn t hurt at all, i know you ll always come back to me. how can i know that, why am i so freaking certain, how can i be. i am. you are my man, you are my man! no matter what happens or how many other men or women there are, everything always takes me back to you. i see, i feel you, i kiss you, i let you go. it doesn t hurt at all, i know you ll come back. i know i will see you, feel you, kiss you and let you go again. and no other men can keep up with that. i keep on lying to myself, trying to convince me that i like any one of them, but i don t, i loose interest within the first 5 minuets, and then i find myself writing you, seeing you, feeling you, kissing you and letting you go....

you me new york

after a while i moved back to the city, finally. it took me quite some time to figure out that first of all the country side wasnt for me and second what i wanted to do with my life. so here i am feeling happier than ever plus an incredible new apartment, plus an awesome new job, plus being back together with all my favorite people and closest friends - minus one "prince" that i cant seem to let go off.

i know this may come off the wrong way but i called my psychic the other day, yeah, yeah it's something only city girls would do, but hey i am a city girl and talking to your psychic is not about having someone looking into a crystal ball telling you what your future is going to look like, it's about someone helping you to find back on your track, giving you some insight on stuff you do actually already know you are just not ready to admit yet.

life has been pretty good to me ever since i am back, i met tons of new people, friends, acquaintances, men...gallery openings, restaurants, showrooms, parties - everything and anything - my head and body are so full with new impressions, ideas and thoughts that i find it hard to fall asleep at night. i want to take everything in and i dont want to miss anything.

and of course while doing all of this i run into him again and again and again. mr handsome looking more handsome than every plus one girlfriend. i cant get him out of my life and i kind of dont want to. i should be offended by the thought that we are halfway cheating on his girlfriend, but i am not, i am sorry, i am just really not.

worst of all my psychic points him out as this one guy in my life at the moment, i mean seriously, as if i havent met enough of them in the last couple of month, but apparently he is the one who is still there. and yes he is, literally. we email, a lot, we talk on the phone, sometimes, we see each other, rarely, but i just want to enjoy every single minute of it. i adore him and he adores me if there wasnt this one little flaw, this one little ohh so big challenge that i am not sure we will ever over come. we could end up together, that is what i feel, no matter which guy broke a tiny bit of my heart, mr handsome is the only one i think about, the only one i feel over and over again that there is something, something that wont stop. he is there for me, i trust him even though i know i shouldnt, i can always count on him no matter what will happen, i know he would safe me in an instant.

business & pleasure

Never f*** the company – true. We all know the unpleasant and more than embarrassing occurrences during company Christmas parties or outside normal office hours. The shy lady from accounting teams up with the hot guy from HR, the CEO makes out with his secretary that he’s been working with for the last 20 years; and all we can do is sit by and watch or look the other way.

But in a world where our office turns into our living room and our friends and family only get to see us for five minutes at night before we go to sleep or early in the morning before we rush out to catch the metro, is it really that surprising that we fall head over heels for some emotional closeness with our co-workers? And what about the fact that for women it still is that much harder to build a successful career, so where’s the harm in finding other ways to push a career? Should we really not f*** the company or is it just a matter of how discreet and grown up we can handle this rather delicate situation?

One of my very best friends Mia, the one who is always so lucky with men, has build her entire career around this saying. Every Christmas party, birthday celebration or company dinner Mia attended she paid very close attention to not get drunk, to not send any confusing signals to her male colleagues, leave at a decent time, to be on time the next morning and to not get involved with anyone at any time. Stories about co-workers that have been caught making out in the bathroom or out in the parking lodge have always been her biggest fear.

And let’s be honest, 90% of these work-affairs are doomed to cause trouble. One party can feel mistreated by the other, one cannot keep a secret, different rules apply according to different situations but the definitions are hardly ever congruent between the parties involved. Hence, misunderstandings and trouble - big time.

After a couple of years in the business Mia met Mr. handsome at a private party. He was tall, funny and incredibly handsome. The two of them spend a wonderful evening together laughing, flirting and kissing in the end, of course; they even started dating for a little while. No wonder it came as quite a shock when Mr. handsome showed up in Mia’s office one day, but not to bring her flowers and chocolate. As it turned out he was the new head of Mia’s department.

What now? Somehow she was stuck in the middle of a situation she didn’t want to be in. She liked Mr. handsome and he wouldn’t stop flirting with her, not directly in the office, of course, but in emails, small little signs only the two of them would understand and when they ran into each other - alone. Nobody would notice. The looks he gave her were just one second too long, every ever so gentle touch was filled with some kind of affection and every word they exchanged she started analyzing for some double meaning. She knew, she shouldn’t do it, but she could not not do it. Left somewhere between harmless flirtation, a work-affair and something that might ultimately turn into something serious, Mia lost herself and Mr. handsome.

Eventually she had to make a choice to either let a man dominate her career or to live her life according to her own rules. She would never find out if Mr. handsome really could have pushed her career any further, but she can look herself in the mirror knowing that every step she takes and every progress she makes, she accomplished all on her own.

i always liked horses

via

Von Prinzen und Prinzessinnen

Jedes kleine Mädchen hat einen Traum – viele erzählen davon eine Tierärztin in der glühend heißen Wüste Afrikas zu sein und Tiger Babys zu retten, Koalabären in Australien mit einer Flasche aufzuziehen oder Pinguine in der Antarktis bei ihrem Tanz auf dem Eis zu beobachten. Andere beschreiben Schlösser und Feen, irgendwo in einer fernen Welt über den Wolken, hinter mächtigen Wasserfällen, in blühenden Wäldern, in denen die Feen mit ihren glitzernden Flügeln durch die Lüfte fliegen und dabei ihren Feenstaub verteilen, der allen Bewohnern ein Lächeln aufs Gesicht zaubert.

Der wichtigste und lebendigste Traum aller kleinen Mädchen ist aber der von ihrem Prinzen, der sie aus ihrem zu Hause, ihrer Welt rettet und erlöst, ihnen eine neue, bessere Welt zu Füßen zu legt und sie für immer glücklich machen wird.

Wir alle werden groß mit der Geschichte vom Prinzen, der auf dem weißen Schimmel angeritten kommt und den vielen Fröschen die man küssen muss, bis sich einer von ihnen irgendwann in den langersehnten Prinzen verwandelt. Nur leider lassen wir dabei vieles außer Acht, wie viele Frösche muss man überhaupt küssen bis einer davon zum Prinzen wird? Und wenn einer dieser Frösche endlich zum Prinzen geworden ist, legt er uns wirklich die Welt zu Füßen, hält zu uns in guten wie in schlechten Zeiten, bis das der Tod uns scheidet? Was passiert, wenn er sein Königreich bereits mit einer anderen Prinzessin teilt, mit uns aber gerne ein Ferien Königreich auf dem Land aufbauen möchte?

Wenn ich mich in meinem Freundeskreis umblicke hat jede von uns bereits ein Königreich gehabt, weit über den Wolken, dort wo die Luft klar und rein ist und die Sonne immer scheint. Viele, viele Jahre haben wir unser Königreich mehr oder minder mühselig mit viel Liebe und Geduld Stein für Stein aufgebaut. Mit der Zeit wurde es größer und schöner, einige bauten neue Blumenfelder und kleine Strohhütten andere wiederum legten einen Graben an, der Ihr Königreich schützen sollte. Doch egal was wir alle taten über kurz oder lang wurde jedes dieser Königreiche durch ein Gewitter zerstört. Teilweise waren es heftige Gewitter mit Hagelkörnern groß wie Tennisbälle, teilweise waren es einfach sinnflutartige Regenfälle, die über Monate hinweg unaufhörlich auf das Königreich niederprasselten, bis alle Bewohner langsam aber sicher ertrunken waren. Fast keines dieser Unwetter endete mit Sonnenschein oder gar einem Regenbogen und so gaben Prinz und Prinzessin ihr Königreich auf, um nicht mehr Schaden als notwendig zu verursachen.

Die Prinzen zogen fortan durch die Lande auf der Suche nach Abwechslung und Zerstreuung. Einige von ihnen fanden relativ schnell eine neue Prinzessin, andere zerstörten andere Königreiche für nichts und wieder nichts und wieder andere verführten eine Prinzessin nach der anderen ohne das sie auch nur einer davon ein neues Königreich versprachen.

Was zurückbleibt sind die Prinzessinnen mit ihren großen Träumen und Wünschen und der festen Überzeugung, dass es eines Tages einen Prinzen geben wird, der ihnen die Welt zu Füßen legt. Wo aber sind die Prinzen von heute?

simple is simple is simple is...

picture via r.is your life

When a woman invites her friends for her birthday party, she wants everything to be perfect, the menu has to be extravagant, the table decoration unique, the location should be the newest in town and even a week in advance she can’t really sleep thinking and wishing for everyone to have a wonderful time.

When a man invites his friends for his birthday party, we can be lucky if he tells us about his idea a day in advance and his biggest concern really is to either find a half way decent girl that he can take home that night, it’s his birthday for crying out loud or to get everyone as drunk as possible, of course. Men are pretty simple like that. Simple is good some times, I guess, but how do we know if it really only is simple and when does it turn into indifference?

I have lived with my boyfriend for more than two years. We’ve shared our life and living space and for the most part it was a wonderful time. He was always so easy and relaxed about everything. No matter if I came home from work freaking out about my boss or co-workers, my best friend that had just cancelled our coffee date very last minute or any of the other smallest little things women generally like to turn into something so much bigger. He calmed me down every time, he always had a very simple explanation for everything that had happened, or so it seemed to me, had gone the wrong way. What a great quality you’ll think now, and yes, you are right, that really is a great quality, it seems like such a positive outlook on life, such a sunshine state of mind, easy living – don’t worry be happy. Sounds wonderful, doesn’t it? But once you get to think about it for a moment, is it really that or has it turned into indifference over time? Was I too much, all my worrying, all my concerns and questions, was he so tired from it that he just didn’t care anymore? Up until today I can only guess.

One of my very best friends Mia dated a guy once; everything seemed to be going wonderfully. To make it easier we’ll just call him the boy, anyways, the boy texted and called her every minute of the day, always wanting to meet and spend time with her. Mia, of course, had learned from past experience and wouldn’t fall for the boy in the beginning. As you are supposed to she waited a good amount of time to write him back, call or meet. She cancelled dates last minute, what naturally made the boy only wanting to see her more. He told her how much he’d admire her for what she was smart, funny, sexy, relaxed and how easy she dealt with the fact that he was in a serious relationship! What? Wait a second, slow down – serious relationship? Where the hell is that coming from? It came as a shock, the world stopped for a second and Mia had to sit down. Again – serious relationship – the word just kept repeating itself over an over in her head. How can he not have mentioned it so far, they had been dating for the last month and nothing, nothing, nothing not one sign of a girlfriend, no mentioning, no not picking up the phone, no suspicious moments in public. How could he not let her know such an important fact, how could she have not noticed? As it turned out the girlfriend wasn’t living in the city, but in the far away countryside and apparently she didn’t mind the boy to have one or the other affair. The boy seemed to have a very simple outlook on his relationship - the girlfriend was cute and nice of course and he didn’t need to be alone that way. Other than that he didn’t really care, did he?!

Mia broke everything of right then and there. She was not the other woman and never will be. But one question remained how could someone be so indifferent about such a sensitive topic as love. For the boy it could have been any other girl, he didn’t care.

Not for us though, we don’t want simple, we want someone who cares, complicated and complex, honest and straightforward, someone who has not lost their positive outlook on life.