my life and yours

i wish i would change your life. i wish i would be the one that makes a difference.
i am not.


no one but me

sometimes a man gets carried away, sometimes a man must awake to find that really he has no one....when does that happen? am i waiting for that? lover you should have come over! over and over again and again or not?! what am i doing? i haven t had such a strong feeling in a very long time, did i ever...i know it s right, i just know, i see you, i feel you, i kiss you, i let you go. every time i let you go, it doesn t hurt at all, i know you ll always come back to me. how can i know that, why am i so freaking certain, how can i be. i am. you are my man, you are my man! no matter what happens or how many other men or women there are, everything always takes me back to you. i see, i feel you, i kiss you, i let you go. it doesn t hurt at all, i know you ll come back. i know i will see you, feel you, kiss you and let you go again. and no other men can keep up with that. i keep on lying to myself, trying to convince me that i like any one of them, but i don t, i loose interest within the first 5 minuets, and then i find myself writing you, seeing you, feeling you, kissing you and letting you go....


you me new york

after a while i moved back to the city, finally. it took me quite some time to figure out that first of all the country side wasnt for me and second what i wanted to do with my life. so here i am feeling happier than ever plus an incredible new apartment, plus an awesome new job, plus being back together with all my favorite people and closest friends - minus one "prince" that i cant seem to let go off.
i know this may come off the wrong way but i called my psychic the other day, yeah, yeah it's something only city girls would do, but hey i am a city girl and talking to your psychic is not about having someone looking into a crystal ball telling you what your future is going to look like, it's about someone helping you to find back on your track, giving you some insight on stuff you do actually already know you are just not ready to admit yet.
life has been pretty good to me ever since i am back, i met tons of new people, friends, acquaintances, men...gallery openings, restaurants, showrooms, parties - everything and anything - my head and body are so full with new impressions, ideas and thoughts that i find it hard to fall asleep at night. i want to take everything in and i dont want to miss anything.
and of course while doing all of this i run into him again and again and again. mr handsome looking more handsome than every plus one girlfriend. i cant get him out of my life and i kind of dont want to. i should be offended by the thought that we are halfway cheating on his girlfriend, but i am not, i am sorry, i am just really not.
worst of all my psychic points him out as this one guy in my life at the moment, i mean seriously, as if i havent met enough of them in the last couple of month, but apparently he is the one who is still there. and yes he is, literally. we email, a lot, we talk on the phone, sometimes, we see each other, rarely, but i just want to enjoy every single minute of it. i adore him and he adores me if there wasnt this one little flaw, this one little ohh so big challenge that i am not sure we will ever over come. we could end up together, that is what i feel, no matter which guy broke a tiny bit of my heart, mr handsome is the only one i think about, the only one i feel over and over again that there is something, something that wont stop. he is there for me, i trust him even though i know i shouldnt, i can always count on him no matter what will happen, i know he would safe me in an instant.