she told be she would go to get some cigarettes. i never saw her again.
i remember she always wanted to live in australia. down under seemed like a place of love and peace to her. maybe a house close to the ocean with wild flowers and even wilder animals in the backyard. sunshine everyday, the possibility to go swimming or surfing, hang out and relax all day.
she hated to work, had never liked it and had never found something to truly fulfill her. what she liked was being nice to people, helping an old lady cary her groceries, playing hide and seek with the kids and making the most amazing dinner parties ever.
she would invite all her friends, decorate the house and cook the tastiest meals you can imagine. she didn't even need a recipe. the world was her inspiration and the kitchen her natural habitat, everything was possible, sweet cakes and desert, fresh bread, meat, vegetables everything handmade.
during summer time she would serve homemade lemonade cold and sour with lots and lots of ice cubes, while her friend would mingle in the garden.
everyone was having the greatest time until now that she is gone. who is going to cook for us, throw us a party, make us feel good and forget about work?
maybe we should stop working too, and try finding her somewhere in this world.


the concept of time

when you are a couple you seem to have all the time in the world. time to spend with each other, time to go out to dinner, time to travel, go on vacation, time to talk about the future, sometimes even to meet your other couple friends.

but what happens to your concept of time when you are single?

all of a sudden everything is different and for some strange reason you seem to have no time at all anymore. you are constantly in a hurry going to work, meeting your friends, going to the newest exhibition or shop-opening and if you are lucky going from one date to another.

no matter what your concept of time completely changes. it might even leave you totally out of breath while you are running from one place to another trying to manage all those crazy obligations. and all the time feeling the pressure and thinking about all the potential partners you might meet at one of these events.

this is all fine and good of course from the outside this might even look like fun. most of your couple friends are probably even jealous about your busy schedule and all the exciting things you experience everyday. when my couple friends invite me some how I always end up entertaining them with the newest events regarding either my love life, the latest party fiasco or my job. it feels like my life is so much more exciting but all I want is to be a couple and have all the time in the world.


live & learn

- i have learned it the hard way - is what my grandma used to say to me when i was little. and she sure did. she had 4 kids 3 girls, 1 boy. 3 of them, the 3 girls to be exact, she almost raised all by herself. after world war II my grandpa was kept imprisoned somewhere in the UK, he never really spoke about it, so we still don t know about it. this left my grandma alone with 3 young kids, the need for water, food, money and a lot of responsibility. the years went by they lived their life, she raised them, played with them, fed them, and all this time she never knew if my grandpa would ever come back, if he was even still alive. she never stopped, though, she always kept going until one day he was finally home again.

i can say that my grandparents, apart from the above mentioned, lived a very happy life. they had a big house, with an ever bigger garden, they planted fruits and vegetables, their kids gave them lots of grandkids and those grandkids gave them lots of love and happiness.

and one day those grandkids will have their own children. maybe 2 boys and 1 girl, maybe just a boy, maybe 4 girls we don t know yet. and those children will have children and so on and so on and so on.
and there will be one thing they will all have in common, no matter if they have learned it the hard way or not, they will all have a very happy life.


i saw you smile today...


... might kill you



she was lucky, very lucky. she had friends, a job, a roof above her had. she was pretty, too, not exceptionally pretty but pretty enough for people to turn their heads when they saw her on the street.

her friends would call her ruby, because of her shiny long healthy hair. at work she was mrs perfect, because she would do everything on time, in the correct order and format and would never miss or forget anything she was supposed to be doing. she even did everything always, always, always just a couple of minutes before she had to, what made her look even more perfect.

her parents were very proud of her, she had moved away from the country, made it in the big city, with, what seemed to them a big job, a nice apartment and lots of friends. she would send a letter to her parents every week, telling them about her days, her job and any other news she wanted them to know. twice a year she would take on the long journey back to the country to visit her family. she would help her mom clean the house, go food shopping and mowing the lawn with her dad and play with her sisters kids in the garden.

but no one
no one would send her, her favorite flowers


heart attack

it happened today, totally unexpected or out of the blue as one would say.
as usual lina got to work at nine in the morning. she always gets there at nine and she always leaves at six. only very rarely when there is really lots of work to do lina stays longer, of course. but there almost never is, so she comes at nine and leaves at six. by now her boss should know that, since she works for the same boss for quite a while already. how long again? well, at least one year and a couple of month.

lina works in a big house, you could almost call it a town house. very high ceilings, big windows, beautiful garden, everything is very nice, neat, light, clean she always feels like she is not allowed to touch anything or talk to anyone, because who knows what you could break or do wrong once you open your mouth or move. anyhow, when it happened lina sat infront of her computer working away. she heard a weird and unexpected noise, foot steps at first and then some keys, the door closed, keys in the look turned around
- oh no - lina thought - what is going on, is it six already? - but it wasn't not even close. it was 15:41 and she still had a couple of hours to go until she could leave for the day.
- damn it, what is my boss thinking - she got up from her desk and than it happened, the loudest, shrilling noise you can imagine. a tone so freakishly loud it not only makes your heart stop it scares you to death (well almost).
lina felt like she couldn't breath anymore it was the same feeling she had had that day when she ran into her ex-boyfriend that she had been with for many many years. had lived with him, had shared everything the apartment, money, friends even a dog (which after the break up she gave away to some friends parents. she just couldn't bare the thought of living with that dog after everything that had happened). and then one day she runs into him with the new girl, much younger then lina, long, shiny hair, skinny legs, even skinnier arms, sweet face but not model like, but ok,
but, oh my good it made her heart stop, she couldn't breath it was so unexpected, she didn't know what to do, to say, how to behave, where to turn, or just run.
so, once she had taken a deep breath she did exactly what she did back then. lina ran to the door and just smashed the alarm system, just like she had smashed her ex-boyfriends face the day she saw him with the new girl.
of course her boss couldn't know that, but seriously what the hell was he thinking to lock her in at 15:41. if he was so scared she could leave one day to find a better job, he shouldn't have started something with another girl in the first place.


i heard the bird

i moved to munich about a year ago and one of the many arguments from people who tried to convince me that this was the right choice was actually the great summer munich is supposed to have every year.
sunshine, 30° everyday and night, beautiful/refreshing lakes and not to forget the beloved biergarten trips.
here you enjoy the nice weather in very rustic locations while eating fatty food and drinking, yeah right beer!

so i wonder what happened to all of this?summer is not even close to arrive.
so far i have spend one day on a beautiful/refreshing lake and one time in a biergarten eating ketchup with french fries and slurping on my beer,which i really only do in a biergarten or at oktoberfest, because i can stand the taste of it but people down here wont care and keep forcing you to like it.

back to the missing summer - how much longer can we take this?
even the birds start to freak out one just wouldn t stopp gaggling outside my office window for what felt like an hour. once he calmed down it looked like he had made his decision, put on his sun glasses and just waved good bye on his way south.
but what the hell are we supposed to do?
i think i might go home now, find my wings and fly out visit my little birdie friend in the caribbean...

must have of my week

the ysl arty oval ring
it might be old
it might be used
but it is still shiny and gold
and pretty
at least for me...
will you be mine?

estas tatuado en mi corazon

- toda mi vida -



comes and goes
in waves


ROA x Brooklyn

i am just loving his work
how would you feel
if you d meet a squirrel in the middle of brooklyn?

a while



The cure for anything is salt water.
Sweat, tears, or the sea.
- Isak Dinesen -


better and better

fail again
fail better

by samuel beckett